Marathon ranting

I had a marathon moan a few weeks ago, and now I'm going to tell you about my marathon rant!

Yesterday I had the chance to bore the pants off my classmates about my marathon training. It was (for me) brilliant.

As part of the HNC course, we do a unit called Personal Development Planning. We each select five goals (academic, professional, or personal) and track our progress towards them. Theoretically it's a helpful skill to aquire, but it's impossible to make people achieve goals if they're not motivated towards them - which frankly is the main problem with the course. "You WILL achieve your goals, or else!" - it's not the best approach.

So anyway, part of the course was treating our classmates to a five minute presentation on the progress so far we'd made towards one of our goals. Looking at my goals and realising that there'd been a distinct lack of progress on four of them, I sighed deeply and opened PowerPoint to write about my marathon training.

My goal is to run this year's Edinburgh Marathon in a personal best of less than 4 hours.  Cue a SWOT analysis of the goal, photos of last year's race and details of my training programme.

The truth is that once I got going, I really enjoyed telling everyone how I was getting on. Perhaps all I really wanted was the chance to share how my training was going - I don't really have anyone to bore with the facts of my training, and these guys had to listen - or at least, they had to not fall asleep. I finished off by giving them a jelly baby each - after all their are the secret of my training success. Why was I surprised to get the bag back afterwards to find all the black and red ones gone?

(red and black ones still shown)

It also gave me the chance to look at my statistics and realise that I'm making progress.

• My average speed for my easy runs has increased by 36 seconds per mile
• my average speed for my long runs has increased by 18 seconds per mile, and 
• my 20 mile run time predicts a marathon finishing time 3 hours and 55 minutes.

My 2012

So, the challenge is twelve months, twelve sentences. Punctuation is positively encouraged.

January: In a month where I went on a family holiday for a week and still didn’t eat any chocolate or drink any coffee, I discovered Change Your Life is 7 Days by Paul McKenna which changed my life, and also fell in love with hooping (that's not me in the vid btw).

February: it was a bellydance month when I performed with the Baladi Blues Band, my first time ever dancing with a live band which I LOVED; was invited to compere the annual Edinburgh University African and Arabic Dance Society hafla; and for the first time in a while, ran 13 miles without injury or too much ill effect.

March:  I got my act together to apply for a college place to study fitness, ran the Meadows Half Marathon in 1hr 45m, which was a good time despite sleet, and won a place in the Edinburgh Marathon courtesy of the ESPC!

April: I learned a lot about myself as I began my marathon training; had an excellent weekend of rehearsals with our bellydance troupe, The Peacock Project, working towards and completing the choreography for our entry to this year’s Shimmy in The City competition; and had an interview at Jewel & Esk college for a place on their Fitness HNC, winning a place despite there being 5 applications for every place.

May: I completed my first marathon in 4 hours, 19 minutes after only 8 weeks of training, on a really hot day, as well as rehearsing hard for and performed in Club Bellydance at The Pleasance, with the Bellydance Superstars, the biggest bellydance gig I’ve ever been involved in.

June: I enjoyed seeing the Olympic Torch at Holyrood and I lost my toenail after the marathon! But also there were lots of bellydance highlights this month, including teaching children’s classes, organising and running both the Leith Festival Hafla and the Musselburgh Hafla, and performing in Glasgow.

July: Brought the summer holidays and the brilliant Big Dance weekend where I organised four performances, a bellydance flashmob and performed with The Peacock Project for the first time.

August: I Ran the Coach & Horses 10M race in Lancaster, went for an induction day at Jewel & Esk College and got offered the chance of a last-minute place at Telford College, which I accepted, and started full-time education for the first time since 1996 eek!

September: I completed the Glasgow half marathon, found it difficult and learned that caffeinated energy gels make me terribly grumpy; held plank for four minutes, leading to ‘not disgracing myself’ in a team challenge at college and a whopping increase in my personal college confidence; started training in earnest for the Jedburgh Half Marathon, following a training programme to improve my speed and hopefully do a PB of 1hour 45; competed at Shimmy in the City bellydance festival in London with the Peacock Project which was an amazing, challenging, growing experience, and I survived the terrible disappointment of not winning.

October: I had a rubbish experience in the Dunbar 10M hill race, involving my first ever “getting lost in a race” incident; got sick and injured and failed to PB in the Jedburgh Half Marathon, learning that the training programme I’d chosen had too much running and not enough cross-training, but still finished Jedburgh in 1hr 54 and really enjoyed it; attended a brilliant book festival event by Dr Andrew Murray, ultramarathon runner and public health fitness champion; enjoyed a 7-day pass to Edinburgh Leisure, passed my first aid qualification, quit booze until my birthday, and continued to do fine at college, but realised that I had a long way to go when it comes to gym instruction and remembered how rotten it feels to be rubbish at something.

November: I won a free gym membership in a raffle and enjoyed adding gym work to my workout routine, and improving my gym confidence; I made my tenth donation of blood; I decided to lose 3kg before my birthday.

December: Held plank for 6 minutes, completing my November plank challenge; and hit my target weight in time for my birthday!

End of Term review

College is over for the Christmas holidays and it seems like a good time to reflect on the first four months of my HND course at Edinburgh College.

So, how's college going? It's brilliant.

I last left full time education was in 1996 (when some of my classmates weren't even born) when I finished my honours degree in Politics. At the time I thought I'd enjoyed my time at University, but I don't think I had nearly as much fun in those five years as I've had in the last four months. (Although in those days I could tell you who was top of the hit parade and knew how to dress like a student, I can't do those things any more.)

First of all, on a basic level, I get to go somewhere warm and comfortable four days a week, where people have prepared things for me to learn, which I'm interested in. And every so often, they prepare wee hoops for me to jump through, so I can see whether I'm doing all right or not, and then they tell me whether I've done well or not. That is FUN. I don't have to be responsible for anybody else, I get to dress the way I want, and the coffee is very cheap.

The teaching quality is variable. Some of the staff on the course are great, committed and easy to understand, delivering the quality content in a professional way and willing to work with us to help us get through the course. There are other staff who I've had to learn to get along with, which has been constructive and valuable, since we all come from different backgrounds and we can't expect to hit it off with everybody straight away. And then there are others who make me wonder what quality control the college implements.

The content of the course is fine - learning to instruct clients in the gym is obviously useful;  the basis of nutrition, anatomy and physiology which we'll build on as the course goes on; health screening for future gym clients has been quite low on content but interested - and I've already passed my First Aid certificate, which is great!

As far as how I'm doing, all seems fine - I'm passing my assessments and assignments without too many difficulties, and even the practical gym instruction assessment I was so worried about went fine.

I'm unsettled by how easily I've taken to the uniform. It's not compulsory but the gym trousers and big hoodie are really very comfortable, and it's much easier to wear them than it is to lug a change of clothes around all day. I need to be careful I'm not lowering my personal standards - I got a new pair of cherry red DMs for my birthday so hopefully that'll help me keep up my sartorial qualities. 

The revelation has been the class, which has turned out to be amazing. There are about 20 of us, I'm the oldest by a decade and I'm twice the age of some of my classmates, and while I don't ever *forget* that, it's a whole lot less relevant than I expected it to be. They're a great group of people, much more tolerant of a mature student than I was as an undergraduate, and there isn't a day that goes back at college without me laughing out loud.

One of the tougher things I've come to terms with is my inner lech. Plenty of the lads in the class are in extremely fine physical condition, which, frankly, makes the days pass a bit more pleasurably. Now, in my defence, I come from a dancing background, and if a dancer looks great or does a move beautifully, I will watch her, enjoy watching, and usually tell her so. This is because she's a dancer, a performer, who expects to be watched, dances in order to be watched. It's part of who I am! However, this doesn't translate terribly well to a gym environment, particularly when the individuals are young males.

It got to the stage where, when one lad was doing chin-ups, another lad rushed over and put his hands over my eyes, saying "you're not to watch, Elspeth - it'll get you going." What a reality check - was I a cougar? The resident old lady enjoying the boys working out a *bit too much*? I took a good look at what I was doing and I summed it up as "I appreciate their bodies - but I don't want to hold them close to mine!". I appreciate the work that they've done to build muscle, get rid of any fat, and seeing a well-executed deadlift is pretty much as good as a well-executed bellydance technique. And there's no doubt I'd be the same about the girls in the class if they were buff or ripped - but the truth is that they aren't really! (Sorry girls, but I think you know it's true!)

I feel that I have a "mummy" role in the class sometimes too, especially as I bake cakes and cookies for the class to share. (I thought that a fitness class would shun such sugary treats, but I reckoned without those boys whose muscles mean they "just can't eat enough" (can you *imagine*?!), and white choc chip cookies are very popular.) Then my niece ask whether this wasn't tantamount to not only being a lech, but asking the young things if I could give them sweeties before I took them to see some puppies.

Our Christmas night out was a great night - I even ended up in a nightclub where I occasionally forgot that I was the oldest person there!

You get your photie taken in clubs nowadays. Who knew?

So the last four months of 2012 have been brilliant. I've loved college and seem to have managed to balance it without too much disruption to my family or work. I've just asked my son who says the only difference is that I take him to school less (his Daddy takes him a couple of days a week now), but that it's fine because I'll have a better job afterwards. Wise beyond his years (this is the same boy who told me that ATP was "20p short of a pound, mummy.")

Fingers crossed for more time at college like these last four months!

Failure isn't an option

I'm feeling challenged.

As part of my HND I'm studying for a CYQ certificate in instructing gym-based exercise. A big part of it is showing people how to safely and effectively use gym equipment - essentially teaching. And it's my worst class.

So far in the rest of my course - anatomy, nutrition, first aid, health screening - is going fine. Passing assessments and handing in assignments is good for me, I've had a couple of corrections to make but I'm passing.  But this class - sheesh. It's been a loooong time since I've felt this inadequate.

What adds to my insecurity is that a lot of the others on the course are really well-versed in teaching gym equipment. Some have teaching qualifications already, or have worked in a gym, or studied the same things in previous courses. But me - I'm used to working out at home. Most of what I've learned I've learned from DVDs, none of it with big weights or barbells or gym machines, and although I'm quite confident in my technique, I've never had it scrutinised.

And in class, we're having to demonstrate to each other - which is even more nerve-wracking, because I'm having to pretend to teach a deadlift to somebody who's done more deadlifts than I've ever done, who's taught deadlifts, who probably eats deadlifts for dinner and then dreams about them. There's nothing like knowing somebody knows more than you do to wobble your confidence!

And I'm not used to practical assessments. I like books and essays, writing things down and having people read them. I don't like having to be judged on what I say out loud! I've been teaching dance regularly for eight years now, and it's only recently that I've felt really confident in what I'm doing. Will it seriously take me that long to feel happy teaching in the gym?!

Another compounding factor is that the class takes place on a Friday, so even though I'm motivated by my own inadequacies during and after the class, I have managed quite successfully to go home afterwards and forget all about it!

I hate being bad at things. I hate walking out of that class knowing I was in the bottom 20%. I hate the insecurity of thinking that I might fail. I hate feeling inadequate.

So it just can't be an option. I've got to pass this unit. I've got to be bloody awesome in the gym. Failure isn't an option. Adequacy isn't either. I have got to NAIL THIS THING!

Forget everybody else in the class and don't think about how much they know. I have got to focus on what I do. Being that best me that me can be, as Cookie Monster says. I know what's required in teaching - being confident, knowledgeable, having stock phrases to rely on so you don't always have to think about what you're explaining. Being comfortable and focusing on your student. I can do this!!

My assessment is in FOUR WEEKS, when I'll be assessed on my ability to teach 8 exercises - although there are like, 35 to chose from? If I can perfect a few every week - using books, YouTube and some practical gym experience to work from - I'll have plenty to get me through.

Life often feels better with a plan. Hope I can action this one - time management's going to be the struggle, with a couple of deadlines every week for the next few weeks. But since there's no way I'm going to flunk this class, I'd better get the hell on with it.

Running update, life update!

It's been a long time, and I've been busy with my other life! Which you can read all about on my other blog, if you're interested. It's been an emotional time and I've found it quite draining, but it a good way.

My college course is going well - I've done fine in my assessments so far, but it really is continuous assessment, with a tests or a piece of work due every week. I'm sure continuous assessment was a lot more intermittent when I was at university!

I've survived what I think was my first ever practial assessment, unless you consider having to cover a book for my Brownie booklover badge in about 1980 to be a practical assessment. I found this much more difficult than studying and swotting to sit an exam, and to be honest I didn't really get to grips with what I was supposed to be doing before I went in. It's a bit alien to my head, to have to perform something correctly under scrutiny, and I hadn't really got to grips with the fact that this is what a practical assessment is all about. I passed, but I learned a lot about what I have to improve on too!

My running has been a bit of a disappointment too. Before the competition, I found myself running at a very, very silly time in the morning (okay, 0345!) so that I could fit one in before flying to London for a rehearsal! So it wasn't a lack of motivation! But I think the competition really took it out of me, emotionally and spiritually, and I got a bit out of my schedule and haven't really scrunised my performance in my last few runs.

Then a week ago, I got a niggle in my knee at the end of a 40-minute tempo run. I was nearly home, considering slowing down, when I got a sharp pain going through my right knee, which didn't pass. I've never had any knee problems, but I bet I'm not the only runner who lives in fear of them! I went straight home for R.I.C.E. and funny looks from the kids, and ran again on the Saturday, 12.5M with no problems. But in my easy recovery run the next day, I changed direction slightly - again, right at the end of my run - and it niggled again. It isn't agony, but I'm paranoid about it. I've taken four days off so far - although it feels like about a fortnight!! - and it still niggles a little bit. I've foam-rollered and cross-trained. Part of me doesn't want to know what's wrong with it in case it's serious, so I'm just sitting nicely with good posture and hoping it will mend.

In fact I'm hoping it will mend by Saturday! I've entered the Dunbar 10M Doon Hill Race, which I've completed in 2010 and 2011, and starts at 11am on Saturday. I found this picture of my slogging it from last year! It's a brilliant race - aah, selective memory is great, isn't it?! The course has lots of steady hills, which somehow I quite enjoy as I'm pretty good at keeping a steady pace through the gradients. The first time I did the race, the steward directed me into a big field, empty but for cow-pats, saying "up to the top, round the cairn and along the ridge!". I had no idea what a cairn was, but I know what a ridge is, and man, that ridge was really high up! The view, of course, was splendid!

It's a small race with a fast field (fast by my standards, I'm sure I was in last place for quite a stretch last year!) and truly amazing hospitality at the end with soup and cakes. It's the sort of club race won by ridiculously healthy-looking young men (like the ones on my college course!) where women a few years older than me look utterly shocked when they're awarded a prize for being best in their catagory. I aspire to that one day! I'm confident my knee will hold up for the up-hills but I expect I'll be slower on the down.

Race report soon!

Going to College: the first week and a half

Last week I started an HND Course in Fitness, Health and Exercise at Telford College. Yes I'm a student again, fifteen years after my last experience of full-time education (or at least, I will be once the college are happy that I'm not a danger to vulnerable groups and let me pay my fees!)

Until a fortnight ago I was expecting to study at Jewel & Esk College - both are in the north of Edinburgh and both teach an HND Fitness course. I'd originally applied to Telford who told me they had no spaces, and after interview I was offered the J&E place. But a week before the start of term, Telford rang me up to say they had space and would I like to come to interview? Telford is significantly easier to get to (25 minutes by public transport as opposed to 55 to get to J&E, which is crazy because Telford is 4 miles away and J&E is 3 miles away!) and the campus had a nice feel to it, so I chose Telford.

Although the colleges are merging, along with Stevenson College, in November, so either way I will be a student at the new Edinburgh College, just at a different campus!

Now, I was prepared to be oldest on the course. I wasn't really prepared to be in another minority though - women! It's been a loooong time since I've moved in male-dominated circles; trust me, bellydance clases, toddler groups, and the school playground at 9am are all largely populated by women! And of course, these aren't any men - they're young lads with great skin, good hair and upper bodies shaped like inverted triangles. This is NOT an enviroment I'm used to!

While the teaching staff in the Sports Programming deparment seems to be about 50% women, there are just six females on the course of 20 students. I can't deny I'm much more comfortable talking to the girls. Working with the boys is beyond my comfort zone, but I'd better get used to it!

After two days of interminable sitting around, icebreakers and teambuilding challenges (press-ups, joke-telling, chain relays, treasure hunts...) we finally got some proper classes at the end of the first week. Nutrition, and Anatomy and Physiology. A lot of my classmates have completed access courses to get onto the HND course and have covered a lot of the material before. For me it's mostly new and is going to involve a lot of memory work. Although yesterday I got 15/16 on a mini test so I guess I'm doing okay (safe to say I won't be forgetting the clavicle again!)

Our course leader missed our first week due to a broken cheekbone (sporting injuries must be par for the course in this department I suppose) so we missed our first two practical gym-based sessions. I've already blogged about our first session in the gym which was brilliant!

There's also a First Aid course - again, I seem to be one of the few who hasn't done a first aid course before, I've always meant to but never managed it, so I'm really pleased to be studying that.

There is Personal Development Planning, and our first assignment for that is to submit a graph plotting significant events in our life and career from the last decade against quality of the experience, good to bad. Yes, a decade - significantly easier for me that for the 16-year-old in the class who, I think, is rating her experience in primary 3 of doing a project on The Victorians as 'quite good'...It's a class which is supposed to help us focus on careers, outcomes and where the course is taking us. Hopefully it'll be useful.

We also study Health Screening and Principles of Fitness, which are very useful - already we're designing questionnaires for potential clients, and learning to use calipers for body fat measurement. 

Now that the work has properly begun I'm much happier. I can't wait to get it all under my belt and start working (steady, Elspeth - two years and plenty of assessments before that happens!)

On my first day, I bumped into another mum from our school who had also enrolled on a course. When she asked how mine was, I mentioned that I was the oldest and how I felt a bit uncomfortable. When I saw her again at school on Thursday, she told me she'd quit her course. "It was like you said", she explained, "it was full of kids having a laugh, and I thought, I don't belong here, so I just left."

I'm not doing that. I am guessing that she didn't want her qualification as much as I want mine, because I am prepared to withstand plenty of kids having a laugh if it means I get to be a personal trainer. Frankly, if there's any question of anybody being in the wrong place, it won't be me - it would be the kids having a laugh! I'm here to stay and I'm not going to quit. Just like that four-minute plank, baby!

Logging in again

Tomorrow I have my induction day at Jewel & Esk College, and in a week's time I should start their HNC course in Health, Fitness and Exercise. I'm really looking forward to it!

My daughter started primary school last week, and her going to school and my going to college have been linked for both of us. All summer it's been "after the holidays, I'm going to school and mummy's going to college." I hope I settle in as well as she does - she's been up early every morning this week saying "I can't wait to go to school again!"

Life threw a curveball at me on Friday, when Telford College (also in the North of Edinburgh) phoned to say they now had places available on their HND course in Health, Fitness and Exercise, and would I like to come to interview on Tuesday? It took me by surprise, because I had applied to Telford, but they told me they were full, and in my head I was settled to go to Jewel & Esk.

I have to be pragmatic about my choice of college. When I study I'll still be working 4 hours a week  teaching bellydance, and my lovely children will still need to be taken to and collected from school every day. The college that makes these things easiest - by a suitable timetable or easier location - will have to be my first choice.

The cost of the course is also an important issue, but you have no idea how quiet institutions keep about their fees! I know it's because the majority of students have their fees paid by the Student Awards Agency Scotland, but for those of us who don't, it's very frustration and difficult to make a choice. What else would you be expected to chose without knowing the price? Why is education different?!

Speaking of which, I don't get my fees paid and I won't get any financial support for my course - which will, ultimately, make me a productive member of the workforce and a taxpayer. My degree - first class honours, politics, University of Stirling, 1991-1996 - means that I've got to finance myself through this part of my education. People have suggested I apply for an ILA, but again, there are unavailable to graduates - sigh. There doesn't seem to be any option for people who aren't working and want to retrain!

I am feeling bereft of training at the moment, and I'm very tempted to enter the Liverpool Marathon in October. But first I need to know how physically challenging my course is going to be. I don't think it will be productive to run 40 miles a week if I'm shaking at the end of two compulsory afternoons in the gym at college! Hopefully I'll find out tomorrow at the induction day.

Whatever happens, I have my notebooks, my academic diary, some nice new gym trousers, and a Lothian Buses bustracker app.  I'm going to college to learn and make the most of the opportunties that will improve my future.

College Interview Day

I arrived at Jewel & Esk College at 0845 for my 0900 interview and at least 20 others were there already! I tried hard not to notice that they were pretty much all younger than me, but it’s quite hard to not notice when some of them have their mums with them, or are wearing school uniform!

I was feeling good, positive and reasonably confident, even if my subconscious told a different story. Last night I had my recurrent stress dream about missing the start of a race and not being able to run - with a new, added extra scene where I went to the loo and a hand came out of the u-bend and grabbed my bum!

When all 55 of us had arrived, we were lead through the building to a theatre space where we were introduced to 4 of the 5 teaching staff in the Health & Fitness Department, and the 1-year HNC course was outlined for us. First in the room, I walked straight up to the front and sat on the floor – I found it strange that anybody would want to skulk at the back but most people did, and had to be cajoled to the front so that everyone could get in the door!

There have been 200 applications for 40 places on the HNC course. Lots of the applicants were already Telford students who’d studied access courses in the last year to try to get a place on the NHC course, but we were assured that when it comes to awarding places, we were all equal.

News to me was that the college is to merge with two other Edinburgh colleges – Telford and Stevenson – in October, and as yet there’s no decision on where further health & fitness courses will be delivered. 

After a good while of listening, sticky numbers were distributed for us all to wear on our fronts. I was lucky number 40! With 40 places on the course, I do hope it’s a good omen!

The first part of our assessment was a short exercise to music class, lead by one of the tutors, Gillian. She made it clear that the point wasn’t to be perfect, but to throw yourself into it. Well, that’s right up my street, and the fact it was exercise to music was even better! Salsa moves, facing each wall, shoulder shimmies – I was in my element and grinned throughout. I suspect there are a lot of show-offs in a health & fitness class – but I couldn’t see because I was too busy being Up The Front!

Next was a bodyweight circuit with Simon – the meatiest of the tutors, and a graduate of the course. This was more challenging – squats, jump squats, press-ups, burpees and lots of static poses. Woah – I was wobbling by the end of those 10 minutes! Lots of the applicants had well-toned upper bodies and did the ‘manly’ option of jump-switching hand positions between push-ups – which is surely just showing off ;) Simon said he was impressed that nobody quit, and I suspect he wasn’t thinking too much about our technique!

We were split into groups according the month of our birthday – an exercise it getting us to speak to each other, but I’m not sure it worked. I was the only December birthday, which struck me as a bit spooky. 

Anyway, we were lead upstairs to some nice, modern, comfy classrooms with smartboards where we had a group discussion on how the fitness industry can tackle Scotland’s poor record of exercise and increasing obesity. Simon was to listen in to our discussions and assess us – he told us the trick was to keep talking and not be quiet. 

Most of the 5 people in my group managed to contribute usefully, although I found myself asking open questions, encouraging people to talk, and noticed that the others seemed to be addressing their comments to me – I didn’t *mean* to take on a tutor role but I suspect I did!

Finally, there was an interview booklet to fill in, with questions including:

“What is the difference between a health & fitness course and a sports-based course?”
“Where do you see yourself in five years?”
 “If you go to the gym, describe your typical workout, reps, weights, structure etc.”;

as well as a pie chart to fill in with details of your typical daily nutrition; a questionnaire to grade yourself on the type of learner you are (visual, auditory, kinetic); and a “fill in the name of the muscle, joint or bone” pop quiz. I wonder how many more of these I would have known the answer to if I’d done Higher PE.

Then there was a long and boring wait to be taken for a one-to-one interview with one of the staff.  My 10 minutes were with Mel, a former gym manager and currently teaching the course unit in ante- and post-natal fitness. She was very friendly and encouraging, and it felt much more like a chat about my goals and current work than a formal interview. The fact I didn’t have my 1989 SQA certificates didn’t seem to matter, she seemed happy enough to see my First Class Degree from Stirling University and my Post-Graduate Diploma from the CIPR. I don’t think there were many others like that around today.

I enjoyed my child-free time with a quick cup of tea in The Club – I’d been in the college for four hours and I was parched! I reflected that although the 200 applications for 40 places make it a tough course to get on to, I felt like I was the only one in the room who *really wanted* to get on the course – or at least the only one who gave that impression.

When I started my degree course in 1991, it was the only Film & Media course in Scotland (at that time!) and the competition was really tough. I later found out that the board had been impressed that I had Higher Physics, not that I’d been working in journalism in my year out. 

So, although it’s hard to predict what a college is looking for, if Jewel & Esk are looking for someone  smart and enthusiastic, who’s happy to throw themselves into any task, encourage others and really, really wants to be on their course,  they’ll want me on the basis of my performance today.

A chance to shine

I am twelve hours away from my college interview and feeling a bit nervous.

I have a 9am interview at Jewel & Esk College for a place on their HNC course in Fitness, Health and Exercise - a one-year full time course which hopefully would lead me to their SVQ Level 3 course, Exercise & Fitness: Personal Training Award. It willbe a group discussion and an individual interview, and I am to take "full indoor kit", which I assume is gym wear!

I am just about over the fact I can't find my certificates to prove that I got O Grades and Highers in the late 1980s; I have looked out my clothes, printed out the details of my referees, checked that I can get parked when I arrive. But I still need to do a bit of work to fix my head!

This is my opportunity to check out the course, the department and the college to see that it's right for me. After all, if it isn't, there are other choices, other course providers, other qualifications. This is as much about *them* being right for *me* as it is about me being right for them.

I want to (as I said in my application) "work in the fitness industry, and it is my ambition to be a personal trainer. I am enthusiastic about fitness, and I find helping others achieve their goals to be rewarding and worthwhile." And tomorrow is one of the early steps along that path. Tomorrow is an opportunity to be seized, not a test to be afraid of!

I suspect this course can take me where I want to be. If it is right for me, things will flow easily. I am good enough for this course, and this course will be better if I am on it. I read this quote by Marianne Williamson in a book by Paul McKenna and I find it inspiring:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. 
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. 
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.' 
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? 
Actually, who are you not to be? 
You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. 
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. 
We are all meant to shine, as children do. 
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. 
It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. 
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. 
As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

I'm off to shine now.