My 2012

So, the challenge is twelve months, twelve sentences. Punctuation is positively encouraged.

January: In a month where I went on a family holiday for a week and still didn’t eat any chocolate or drink any coffee, I discovered Change Your Life is 7 Days by Paul McKenna which changed my life, and also fell in love with hooping (that's not me in the vid btw).

February: it was a bellydance month when I performed with the Baladi Blues Band, my first time ever dancing with a live band which I LOVED; was invited to compere the annual Edinburgh University African and Arabic Dance Society hafla; and for the first time in a while, ran 13 miles without injury or too much ill effect.

March:  I got my act together to apply for a college place to study fitness, ran the Meadows Half Marathon in 1hr 45m, which was a good time despite sleet, and won a place in the Edinburgh Marathon courtesy of the ESPC!

April: I learned a lot about myself as I began my marathon training; had an excellent weekend of rehearsals with our bellydance troupe, The Peacock Project, working towards and completing the choreography for our entry to this year’s Shimmy in The City competition; and had an interview at Jewel & Esk college for a place on their Fitness HNC, winning a place despite there being 5 applications for every place.

May: I completed my first marathon in 4 hours, 19 minutes after only 8 weeks of training, on a really hot day, as well as rehearsing hard for and performed in Club Bellydance at The Pleasance, with the Bellydance Superstars, the biggest bellydance gig I’ve ever been involved in.

June: I enjoyed seeing the Olympic Torch at Holyrood and I lost my toenail after the marathon! But also there were lots of bellydance highlights this month, including teaching children’s classes, organising and running both the Leith Festival Hafla and the Musselburgh Hafla, and performing in Glasgow.

July: Brought the summer holidays and the brilliant Big Dance weekend where I organised four performances, a bellydance flashmob and performed with The Peacock Project for the first time.

August: I Ran the Coach & Horses 10M race in Lancaster, went for an induction day at Jewel & Esk College and got offered the chance of a last-minute place at Telford College, which I accepted, and started full-time education for the first time since 1996 eek!

September: I completed the Glasgow half marathon, found it difficult and learned that caffeinated energy gels make me terribly grumpy; held plank for four minutes, leading to ‘not disgracing myself’ in a team challenge at college and a whopping increase in my personal college confidence; started training in earnest for the Jedburgh Half Marathon, following a training programme to improve my speed and hopefully do a PB of 1hour 45; competed at Shimmy in the City bellydance festival in London with the Peacock Project which was an amazing, challenging, growing experience, and I survived the terrible disappointment of not winning.

October: I had a rubbish experience in the Dunbar 10M hill race, involving my first ever “getting lost in a race” incident; got sick and injured and failed to PB in the Jedburgh Half Marathon, learning that the training programme I’d chosen had too much running and not enough cross-training, but still finished Jedburgh in 1hr 54 and really enjoyed it; attended a brilliant book festival event by Dr Andrew Murray, ultramarathon runner and public health fitness champion; enjoyed a 7-day pass to Edinburgh Leisure, passed my first aid qualification, quit booze until my birthday, and continued to do fine at college, but realised that I had a long way to go when it comes to gym instruction and remembered how rotten it feels to be rubbish at something.

November: I won a free gym membership in a raffle and enjoyed adding gym work to my workout routine, and improving my gym confidence; I made my tenth donation of blood; I decided to lose 3kg before my birthday.

December: Held plank for 6 minutes, completing my November plank challenge; and hit my target weight in time for my birthday!

End of Term review

College is over for the Christmas holidays and it seems like a good time to reflect on the first four months of my HND course at Edinburgh College.

So, how's college going? It's brilliant.

I last left full time education was in 1996 (when some of my classmates weren't even born) when I finished my honours degree in Politics. At the time I thought I'd enjoyed my time at University, but I don't think I had nearly as much fun in those five years as I've had in the last four months. (Although in those days I could tell you who was top of the hit parade and knew how to dress like a student, I can't do those things any more.)

First of all, on a basic level, I get to go somewhere warm and comfortable four days a week, where people have prepared things for me to learn, which I'm interested in. And every so often, they prepare wee hoops for me to jump through, so I can see whether I'm doing all right or not, and then they tell me whether I've done well or not. That is FUN. I don't have to be responsible for anybody else, I get to dress the way I want, and the coffee is very cheap.

The teaching quality is variable. Some of the staff on the course are great, committed and easy to understand, delivering the quality content in a professional way and willing to work with us to help us get through the course. There are other staff who I've had to learn to get along with, which has been constructive and valuable, since we all come from different backgrounds and we can't expect to hit it off with everybody straight away. And then there are others who make me wonder what quality control the college implements.

The content of the course is fine - learning to instruct clients in the gym is obviously useful;  the basis of nutrition, anatomy and physiology which we'll build on as the course goes on; health screening for future gym clients has been quite low on content but interested - and I've already passed my First Aid certificate, which is great!

As far as how I'm doing, all seems fine - I'm passing my assessments and assignments without too many difficulties, and even the practical gym instruction assessment I was so worried about went fine.

I'm unsettled by how easily I've taken to the uniform. It's not compulsory but the gym trousers and big hoodie are really very comfortable, and it's much easier to wear them than it is to lug a change of clothes around all day. I need to be careful I'm not lowering my personal standards - I got a new pair of cherry red DMs for my birthday so hopefully that'll help me keep up my sartorial qualities. 

The revelation has been the class, which has turned out to be amazing. There are about 20 of us, I'm the oldest by a decade and I'm twice the age of some of my classmates, and while I don't ever *forget* that, it's a whole lot less relevant than I expected it to be. They're a great group of people, much more tolerant of a mature student than I was as an undergraduate, and there isn't a day that goes back at college without me laughing out loud.

One of the tougher things I've come to terms with is my inner lech. Plenty of the lads in the class are in extremely fine physical condition, which, frankly, makes the days pass a bit more pleasurably. Now, in my defence, I come from a dancing background, and if a dancer looks great or does a move beautifully, I will watch her, enjoy watching, and usually tell her so. This is because she's a dancer, a performer, who expects to be watched, dances in order to be watched. It's part of who I am! However, this doesn't translate terribly well to a gym environment, particularly when the individuals are young males.

It got to the stage where, when one lad was doing chin-ups, another lad rushed over and put his hands over my eyes, saying "you're not to watch, Elspeth - it'll get you going." What a reality check - was I a cougar? The resident old lady enjoying the boys working out a *bit too much*? I took a good look at what I was doing and I summed it up as "I appreciate their bodies - but I don't want to hold them close to mine!". I appreciate the work that they've done to build muscle, get rid of any fat, and seeing a well-executed deadlift is pretty much as good as a well-executed bellydance technique. And there's no doubt I'd be the same about the girls in the class if they were buff or ripped - but the truth is that they aren't really! (Sorry girls, but I think you know it's true!)

I feel that I have a "mummy" role in the class sometimes too, especially as I bake cakes and cookies for the class to share. (I thought that a fitness class would shun such sugary treats, but I reckoned without those boys whose muscles mean they "just can't eat enough" (can you *imagine*?!), and white choc chip cookies are very popular.) Then my niece ask whether this wasn't tantamount to not only being a lech, but asking the young things if I could give them sweeties before I took them to see some puppies.

Our Christmas night out was a great night - I even ended up in a nightclub where I occasionally forgot that I was the oldest person there!

You get your photie taken in clubs nowadays. Who knew?

So the last four months of 2012 have been brilliant. I've loved college and seem to have managed to balance it without too much disruption to my family or work. I've just asked my son who says the only difference is that I take him to school less (his Daddy takes him a couple of days a week now), but that it's fine because I'll have a better job afterwards. Wise beyond his years (this is the same boy who told me that ATP was "20p short of a pound, mummy.")

Fingers crossed for more time at college like these last four months!

Failure isn't an option

I'm feeling challenged.

As part of my HND I'm studying for a CYQ certificate in instructing gym-based exercise. A big part of it is showing people how to safely and effectively use gym equipment - essentially teaching. And it's my worst class.

So far in the rest of my course - anatomy, nutrition, first aid, health screening - is going fine. Passing assessments and handing in assignments is good for me, I've had a couple of corrections to make but I'm passing.  But this class - sheesh. It's been a loooong time since I've felt this inadequate.

What adds to my insecurity is that a lot of the others on the course are really well-versed in teaching gym equipment. Some have teaching qualifications already, or have worked in a gym, or studied the same things in previous courses. But me - I'm used to working out at home. Most of what I've learned I've learned from DVDs, none of it with big weights or barbells or gym machines, and although I'm quite confident in my technique, I've never had it scrutinised.

And in class, we're having to demonstrate to each other - which is even more nerve-wracking, because I'm having to pretend to teach a deadlift to somebody who's done more deadlifts than I've ever done, who's taught deadlifts, who probably eats deadlifts for dinner and then dreams about them. There's nothing like knowing somebody knows more than you do to wobble your confidence!

And I'm not used to practical assessments. I like books and essays, writing things down and having people read them. I don't like having to be judged on what I say out loud! I've been teaching dance regularly for eight years now, and it's only recently that I've felt really confident in what I'm doing. Will it seriously take me that long to feel happy teaching in the gym?!

Another compounding factor is that the class takes place on a Friday, so even though I'm motivated by my own inadequacies during and after the class, I have managed quite successfully to go home afterwards and forget all about it!

I hate being bad at things. I hate walking out of that class knowing I was in the bottom 20%. I hate the insecurity of thinking that I might fail. I hate feeling inadequate.

So it just can't be an option. I've got to pass this unit. I've got to be bloody awesome in the gym. Failure isn't an option. Adequacy isn't either. I have got to NAIL THIS THING!

Forget everybody else in the class and don't think about how much they know. I have got to focus on what I do. Being that best me that me can be, as Cookie Monster says. I know what's required in teaching - being confident, knowledgeable, having stock phrases to rely on so you don't always have to think about what you're explaining. Being comfortable and focusing on your student. I can do this!!

My assessment is in FOUR WEEKS, when I'll be assessed on my ability to teach 8 exercises - although there are like, 35 to chose from? If I can perfect a few every week - using books, YouTube and some practical gym experience to work from - I'll have plenty to get me through.

Life often feels better with a plan. Hope I can action this one - time management's going to be the struggle, with a couple of deadlines every week for the next few weeks. But since there's no way I'm going to flunk this class, I'd better get the hell on with it.

Feeling better

I've had a better running week. At the same time I've had an excellent week at college so things are going a bit more smoothly than last week and the depressing hill race debacle.

My knee niggle's been fine, and more importantly, I decided that I just wanted to enjoy running this week, without trying to be faster.  I ran 5 miles on Tuesday, and another 5 on Thursday, when I went up Carlton Hill, which is steadily uphill for 25 minutes, with a variety of gradients. My times weren't disgraceful, and I just felt good about running.

Today was even better - 14 miles from my house to Cramond and back. It was dark when I went out, the sun rose while I ran and it was fully daylight when I got home. That's my favourite sort of run - sunrise run, even on a cloudy day. Hat and gloves required and a pocket full of jelly babies. My routes along the coast are so scenic, even if they're windy. I felt really good today and really enjoyed every step, despite starting off a bit stressed and not even sure how long I was going to aim for.

I've not been very motivated to train recently, and I heard something on the MTA podcast this morning a quote that made me think. The speaker Eric Strand said he was paraphrasing Sir Edmund Hilary when he said "It woudln't be much of an adventure if success was guaranteed." I've never failed to complete a half marathon - unlike training for my first marathon, which was a new and exciting prospect and I had no idea if it was within my capabilities.

I'm not sure what I'll do next week, if I'll do more speedwork - after all the race I'm training for is in 2 weeks. But I'm so happy to be enjoying running again, especially since last week everything seemed so bleak.

First time for everything (sadly)

I finished yesterday's Dunbar 10 mile Doon Hill Race in 1h 31m. My niggly knee held up just fine throughout the race. Both of these sentences make it sound okay.

Here's the rest of the story. I got lost and added 0.6M to my race. I was last for a significant proportion. I finished 70th out of a field of 81. I walked more times than I care to remember. My legs felt like they had nothing to give. At the end I had a cry and I felt terrible for the rest of the day. One day later and my knee is niggly again.

I've done this race twice before and really enjoyed it. This time the weather was beautiful, sunny but not hot, clear skies being ideal for viewing the lovely scenery from the hills to the sea. I'd rested all week and I was feeling confident. This was my 'tune-up' race before the Jedburgh Half Marathon in 3 weeks time. I've been working on my speed recently. So everything was pointing to a really good race.

I don't know what went so horribly wrong. The start was a little faster than I would have liked, but really I don't think it was so fast that I can blame it for messing up the rest of the race. I took my wrong turn at about mile 3. I found myself running down a field until the track I was on disappeared, and there was nobody to be seen. I knew I was near the back of the runners, but there was just nobody anywhere, so I ran back and eventually found the big dayglow arrow I'd missed. I felt so stupid! I tried so hard not to panic, tried to keep my pace under control, but perhaps I didn't, perhaps I sped up in panic and that's where it all went wrong.

I kept thinking about that marathon winner in the news the other week who took a wrong turn and still did a PB. Probably that didn't help, it probably made me push faster.

When I caught up with the end of the field, I calmed down a bit. There was a really steep hill shortly after and I overtook a handful of runners there. Shortly after I had my first walk - this was only the second race I've EVER taken a walk break in, and I felt so crappy about it. My mantra became "you're a pathetic f***ing loser", over and over in my head. I put on my iPod to get rid of the negativity because I coulnd't get rid of it on my own! But once I've had my first walk break, it's like opening a packet of crisps - once I knew it was open, I couldn't leave it alone. I can't remember how many walk breaks I took in the end. Again and again it felt like my legs had nothing to give at all. Which, after a week off, I really didn't expect.

It was a long and lonely run. I was grateful to the marshals who were friendly and supportive as I passed, but mostly I felt pathetic and apologetic for keeping them there while I was having such a terrible race. When I crossed the finish line I had no pride at all - I felt totally ashamed at my time, which was 10 minutes slower than last year. I sat on the grass and had a cry.

I have "no further comment at this point", as I'm feeling a bit down about running and life in general right now.

Running update, life update!

It's been a long time, and I've been busy with my other life! Which you can read all about on my other blog, if you're interested. It's been an emotional time and I've found it quite draining, but it a good way.

My college course is going well - I've done fine in my assessments so far, but it really is continuous assessment, with a tests or a piece of work due every week. I'm sure continuous assessment was a lot more intermittent when I was at university!

I've survived what I think was my first ever practial assessment, unless you consider having to cover a book for my Brownie booklover badge in about 1980 to be a practical assessment. I found this much more difficult than studying and swotting to sit an exam, and to be honest I didn't really get to grips with what I was supposed to be doing before I went in. It's a bit alien to my head, to have to perform something correctly under scrutiny, and I hadn't really got to grips with the fact that this is what a practical assessment is all about. I passed, but I learned a lot about what I have to improve on too!

My running has been a bit of a disappointment too. Before the competition, I found myself running at a very, very silly time in the morning (okay, 0345!) so that I could fit one in before flying to London for a rehearsal! So it wasn't a lack of motivation! But I think the competition really took it out of me, emotionally and spiritually, and I got a bit out of my schedule and haven't really scrunised my performance in my last few runs.

Then a week ago, I got a niggle in my knee at the end of a 40-minute tempo run. I was nearly home, considering slowing down, when I got a sharp pain going through my right knee, which didn't pass. I've never had any knee problems, but I bet I'm not the only runner who lives in fear of them! I went straight home for R.I.C.E. and funny looks from the kids, and ran again on the Saturday, 12.5M with no problems. But in my easy recovery run the next day, I changed direction slightly - again, right at the end of my run - and it niggled again. It isn't agony, but I'm paranoid about it. I've taken four days off so far - although it feels like about a fortnight!! - and it still niggles a little bit. I've foam-rollered and cross-trained. Part of me doesn't want to know what's wrong with it in case it's serious, so I'm just sitting nicely with good posture and hoping it will mend.

In fact I'm hoping it will mend by Saturday! I've entered the Dunbar 10M Doon Hill Race, which I've completed in 2010 and 2011, and starts at 11am on Saturday. I found this picture of my slogging it from last year! It's a brilliant race - aah, selective memory is great, isn't it?! The course has lots of steady hills, which somehow I quite enjoy as I'm pretty good at keeping a steady pace through the gradients. The first time I did the race, the steward directed me into a big field, empty but for cow-pats, saying "up to the top, round the cairn and along the ridge!". I had no idea what a cairn was, but I know what a ridge is, and man, that ridge was really high up! The view, of course, was splendid!

It's a small race with a fast field (fast by my standards, I'm sure I was in last place for quite a stretch last year!) and truly amazing hospitality at the end with soup and cakes. It's the sort of club race won by ridiculously healthy-looking young men (like the ones on my college course!) where women a few years older than me look utterly shocked when they're awarded a prize for being best in their catagory. I aspire to that one day! I'm confident my knee will hold up for the up-hills but I expect I'll be slower on the down.

Race report soon!

Fashion or Fitness?

Jillian Michaels tweeted an interesting article tonight. It's from the New York Times, about a gym chain called Equinox which is about to open it's first branch in the UK. You can read it here.

The piece focuses on Bianca Kosoy, the Creative Director of Equinox. First off it seemed a bit weird to me that a gym has a Creative Director, but I guess they're always on the lookout for new clients, right? And not everybody loves to workout, so perhaps selling a gym as a lifestyle choice - rather than a life choice - isn't so crazy.

Bianca Kosoy, and some chains (unexplained).

 The article paints Kosoy as a pretty unsavoury character - a drinking, tattooed tough-talking sexual predator, using exploitative sexual imagery to sell a gym. Well, you know, if the journalist doesn't like you, they're not going to flatter you. I'm not going to judge Ms Kosoy when I haven't even met her.

“I never work out,” Ms. Kosoy said. “I think fitness is a fraud. That’s why I try to make it look like fashion.” Let's leave aside for the moment the epic statement "fitness is a fraud" - I'd really like to unpack that, but the journalist seems to have left it out of the article. The Chief Executive of Equinox says "Bianca’s unique vision blurs the traditional lines between fashion and fitness,” which sounds to me like a ringing endorsement of her approach - she's no loose cannon, and is clearly taking the company in the direction it wants to go.

I don't go to a gym. It's been 9 years since I've been a member of a gym, and I can't remember how many people I thought were there to pose, or look at other people posing. I do remember lots of sweating and feeling really rather unattractive as I skulked back to my office desk with sweaty hair. Not much of fashion statement.

If you go to the gym in the same way you buy the latest clothes - not the clothes you love but the clothes you simply have to be seen in, well, you're not doing me any harm, but I'm not sure you're doing yourself much good either. Frankly, I'm don't think I'd like to be going to the same gym as you. I don't think my pants would be up to scratch in the changing room - although I'm sure my performance on the gym floor would.

Fitness is about finding a goal - weight loss, muscle mass, event training, endorphin rush - and pursuing it. It can make you a stronger person, physically and spiritually. It can make you a healthier person, enabling you to live a longer, happier life, giving you more quality years with your children. I don't think fashion achieves these aims.

Maybe this is exactly why the fitness industry needs Creative Directors. To make very clear the dividing lines between the sort of gym you go to as a fashion statement, and the gym where you can pursue your fitness goals.

Me, I'm happier than ever working out in my living room and running on the shore.